Roy Gilbert

The Deeply Embarrassing Stuff People Do When They’re Home Alone

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This article originally appeared on VICE UK.

It’s Friday night, the end of a long week of ridiculous bullshit at work and you’re on your way home to drink a bottle of cabernet sauvignon in bed when a message pops up on your housemate WhatsApp group. You open the chat, braced for another pass agg exchange about who used the last of the olive oil.

“Hey guys, just a reminder to water my plants pls! I’m in Amsterdam til Tuesday! Xoxo” says the secretly rich one. Nothing new there. But then another message pops up. “Soz mate I’m at home this weekend, will be back Sunday eve! :)” Ah, cool, just the two of you in this weekend. Maybe you can manage to squeeze in a quick bath without somebody complaining that you’ve used all the hot water. And then there it is. Your third housemate in the chat: “I’m at my cousin’s hen do lol. Won’t be back until Monday afternoon.” You’re home alone… for an entire weekend!

Is there any better news in the world? You can walk around naked and sing to yourself. You can have a therapy session with the cat. You can snoop around everyone’s rooms and invite that guy over for some heavy petting in the living room. You can leave the heating on for two days, ‘borrow’ the rich girl’s expensive shampoo and have 27 baths with the door open. The possibilities are endless!

People do weird shit when they’re home alone. That’s a fact. […]

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